Who Owns Your body? - Thoughts On Autonomy

I present to you a simple question, "Who or what owns your body?"

Before you say "duh, I do" I want you to pause for a second and ask yourself what is the driving force or motivation behind the decisions you make concerning your body.

Quick story. Earlier today I was making a vision board and I asked myself "what should I put here, what do I need?" and my heart screamed "UNCONDITIONAL LOVE". Startled, I reminded myself I already had plenty of love and then after some digging I realized it was really interpersonal/social security I was craving, sprinkled with a little more support and acceptance. I realized I was feeling an absence of security due to recent decisions I made that were good calls for me but others did not support (story time coming soon, I promise lol).

I'm much better off because of the decision I made but it was interesting to witness how my autonomy was hanging in the balance because of my desire to remain in good standing with those people. It was interesting to see how decisions about what I did with my body could affect what my social landscape looked like. My priority was too much of "what are they going to think" vs "is this what I want to do?"

I realized too often the price of liberation and autonomy is the security allotted to you by social conformity & abiding by the rules set by your social group. These unspoken rules are the parameters in which we live our lives with minimal outside friction. The "I' is nestled in the "we" and one enjoys the amenities of that society or circle. Amenities include fondness, emotional support, physical safety, shelter, interaction, inclusion, affirmation, status and usually some sort of financial safety net or access to opportunities. When you step outside of those parameters we put that at risk. This usually doesn't bother us because the circles we sign up for usually speak to our core values, until it doesn't. Who wants to rock the boat? Who wants to stick out and depend on the compassion and intellectual expansiveness of the group to embrace you? It's not always easy.

Too many of us are making decisions primarily based off of what other people will think and it is holding us back from being fulfilled. Some of us belong to our communities, our partners, our future partners, our social circles, our churches and our professions. We do not leave space for us to belong to our pleasure and our fulfillment because if our needs and desires are in opposition to an image we are trying to uphold for those audiences, it can come at the price of rocking our life boats.

We all have desires that may be a little taboo depending on our surroundings. It could be as simple as getting your first tattoo or changing your hair or taking a pole dancing class. It could be as life changing as moving to a new country. It could be as intimate as experimenting with new things in the bedroom or taking on a new lover (or two). Whatever the decision is, I urge you to unpack what's holding you back from making a decision whether it is about your body or your future. Ask yourself, "Who do I belong to?"

If the answer is anything other than "me" begin to assess your surroundings. Confirm if those feelings are true risks or merely anxiety. Don't be afraid to ask for support from a friend. Sometimes asking, "Hey, I really want to try this thing. Will you support me down this path? I need someone to count on to back me up." can go a long way. You would be surprised at how often we perceive our surroundings to be more volatile than they truly are. In many cases our friends and family just want us to be happy and are willing to adapt to any surprising new developments that may come up.

If there is no one you can trust to support you then you may need to assess the circles you are in. If the parameters of your society clash with your deepest desires you may want to seek a few like-minded people and build a safe space for you to be able to speak freely on the things you are hiding. This can be via social media, forums, or local interest groups. From there you can find the support and possibly counsel you need to start to explore those needs, wants, and decisions you feel you need to make.

If you find that you have to go at it alone, you need to have unwavering faith, confidence and support for yourself. Some parts will be easier than you think. Other parts may be more difficult. Others may follow your bravery and be inspired to make their own leaps of faith. On the other hand, it could get really lonely at times. Regardless, the journey is worth it. Here is where you truly need to take time and process, consult your body, consult your spiritual team and speak with a therapist or specialist who can assist you if feasible. This is the time to remember your needs are sacred and should be honored. This is when you quiet your mind, dismiss all outside influence open yourself to all of the possibilities and find your "yes". Your "yes" will feel good when you imagine it, it may come with excitement, nervousness and even longing, but it will feel damn good.

At the end of the day it is only you who has to deal with the outcome of all of your decisions, good or otherwise. You might as well be living your life the way your soul desires as long as it's healthy. When you reclaim your autonomy you place the pen back into your hands so you can write your story the way you want to, rather than how you believe you should. You are worth exploring. You are worth experimenting. You are worth changing, expanding and evolving. Give yourself permission to prioritize that in your journey. Everything else will fall into place.

All my love,

Cee❤️