Falling in Love With Myself

When I fall for someone, I become a part of their world. I bring them their favorite foods and gifts in their favorite colors. I learn their mind and speak to them in their language. I make room for them in my heart and learn how to love them in their totality. I bookmark opportunities I think can benefit them and always root for their success. This is how love manifests when its straight from my heart.

This was the energy I was finally able to indulge in when I truly began to feel the emotion of love in that direction. I thought I loved myself before but it was just high esteem and confidence and a basic level of commitment. I may have loved myself as one would love their favorite pen or their car- fond and trusting it to get the job done but not too attached or enamored at all. When I finally made the decision to dedicate myself to the task of getting to know me everything changed.

I dated myself with intention. As a single woman I had no obligation to anyone but myself and my healing so I centered that. I grew a lot since my last check in and I was so detached from my self image that honestly, didn't even recognize the body I occupied anymore. My body was fuller and curvier. My face was somehow both angled and rounder than before. My eyes seemed smaller and void of the little sparkle that was present during my childhood. My nose seemed to be more pronounced and my skin was a way lighter shade than I remembered. I felt like I was a completely different person. So, I would stare at myself with an artist's curiosity until I understood what I was looking at and I gave each little thing I noticed neutrality and acceptance, then desire and gratitude. I wanted those eyes as if I saw them on a model in a magazine. I was grateful for my nose and my smile. I was captivated by the fullness of my hips and breasts as if they were from another woman. I began trying on different clothes to see how they fit on me now (they didn't so I bought a few new pieces, lol). I would take pictures learning my angles and basked in my features enjoying how they've matured throughout the years. Even a new skin care regimen emerged as I got more sleep and drank more water and it began to reverse the very obvious signs of the stress endured over time.

Now, I'm feeding myself all of my favorite foods and trying out new ones -ones that make me close my eyes and take my time chewing because it's so delicious. I'm learning my new favorite colors and how they make me feel when I'm wearing them. I'm learning my mind and my language and making sure I give love to myself in the way I need to receive it. I make more room in my heart every day to embrace and accommodate all of my quirks, extending myself compassion and grace when need to prove to myself that I do not need to be perfect to be loved.

I'm securing myself safety and opportunity. I'm making more money and providing the funds for my wants and needs. I'm bookmarking and pursuing opportunities that I think I could grow from. I leave love notes. I protect myself from toxicity and I vowed to never lie to protect my feelings from the truth.

So, I fell. I fell for the woman I met. Then, I fell for the way I was being loved. And I keep falling. Every day. This woman is amazing. Her softness. Her ferocity. Her beauty. Her depth. I've never met anyone like her. Her dedication. Her ingenuity. Her warmth. Her tenderness. I've never felt love like what I feel from her.

She deserves the world and I'm going to give it to her. She deserves all the love and I'm sharing her with all the correct sources of that love. Things are much more simple now.

I encourage you to date yourself with intention. Find out your quirks and love them as if they were your favorite character in a movie. Be curious about yourself as if you're secretly watching yourself from across the room, seeing every little loveable thing you do and wishing you could get the courage to just say "Hi". Take yourself to beautiful places and feel your heart race at the sights. Learn what you like. Learn what you don't and don't let it near you. Protect yourself at all costs like you would a lover. Extend forgiveness and compassion as you would a lover. Take the time, put in the effort, watch the shift.

I love you all,

Be well.