Self-Dating 101

About a week ago, I wrote a blog about falling in love with myself after prioritizing self-dating as a self care practice and the #1 question I got in response was "How do I date myself". So I decided to go on ahead and draft up a self dating guide. Enjoy!. <3

What is a self-date?

A self-date is something that you plan to either experience something new or to learn something new about yourself. For example it could be as formal as getting dressed up and going to a restaurant you've been wanting to try for a while or as casual as taking a walk through a new park to enjoy some new scenery.

Why would someone take themselves on a date?

The basic idea behind dating is to get better acquainted with someone. Intentions could vary from dating for sex or dating to marry or dating to pass time. Regardless of the intention, everyone wants to have a nice time and deepen their level of familiarity with the person sitting across from them. When dating yourself, you have the intention of giving yourself new experiences in which you can enjoy your own company and deepen your level of familiarity with yourself, and all that makes you unique. You're already spending the rest of your life with your date so the goal here is more so to deepen the love and connection.

How would I start?

Food is an amazing way to foster connection with another person. I also use it in my sensuality practice as a way to both orient myself to my body and receive pleasure through the experience of taste. Trying new foods is a beautiful date option to begin with because it is simple and can be done via takeout or via dressing up and going to a restaurant. During your date you focus completely on yourself, how you are feeling in that moment, you treat yourself to the best and most delicious thing you can comfortably afford and slowly enjoy it. Again, you think only of yourself, not worrying about saving some for anyone nor worrying about what you're wearing or not wearing. This is the moment you begin to center yourself in your desires. Want to go for a walk after? Wonderful, do it. Want to go home, take a shower, and go to sleep? Perfect. Do that. Practicing the act of centering yourself will get you in the habit of validating and fulfilling your desires which is so important to the longevity of your overall satisfaction in life.

What else can I do?

The next level can include experiences. You can start with things you already love like music or sports and then attend events and activities around that. Music lovers can take themselves to a concert or out to buy some vintage vinyls. They could even go as far as taking a music production class or singing lessons so they walk away with new knowledge on the their interests. If you enjoy sports you could go to a game or get some personal training with the focus of improving your performance within your sport of choice.

If you want to be adventurous, try something you have never done before. Take a cooking class or go to a museum of something you're curious about. At this point the goal is to expand your mind and create memories. These experiences will help you discover things you never knew about yourself and open your world up more and more. It is giving yourself the gift of potential new beginnings or clarity on things you've always wondered. It will open you to experiencing awe, joy and laughter in ways you never had before. You will have no choice but to grow and transform because you can't possibly experience something new and not be changed, even if only slightly, because of it.

One time, I went on a date and had a great time but the night was still young when we finished our meals and parted ways. I decided that I looked too cute to go straight back home so I went to a bar that I knew had a karaoke night. I love karaoke so I went and sang some of my favorite songs and had my favorite drink. I also purposefully went somewhere I knew people would leave me alone because I didn't want to be approached or hit on by anyone. I just wanted to have fun. I ended up having a great time and feeling grateful for making the most out of my day and ensuring I enjoyed it to fullest. I gave myself that experience on a whim. I felt like a Queen. I felt like I was in control and had my destiny in my own hands. All it took was an hour or two of tipsy karaoke in some dive bar.

I said that to say this: It felt good to give myself joy. I softened towards myself, as most people do when they are being cared for. I listened to and trusted myself and proved that doing so wouldn't end in a disaster. I experienced pleasure and excitement on my own terms and it gave me hope. I developed more interest in life and started leaving the house more. When I would experience joy I would snap a picture of myself and fell in love with how I would glow. Even when it came to sexual pleasure, I was able to explore in ways that centered me and my enjoyment and exercised my autonomy in the most cathartic of ways.

Being in the focus of my physical, emotional, intellectual and sexual fulfillment makes so much of a difference in my self image and how I move through life and I'm so much better off because of it. I would not be able to center myself and my needs if I did not take time to get to know them and create a strong connection to my body and to my inner compass directing me into the correct direction. Each time I give myself a new experience I get deeper in alignment with my inner guidance. Each time I treat myself to my favorite flavors and spices I feel more safe and cared for. Each time I reflected on the wonderful day I had I feel more confident in my ability to change my life for the better.

This is what I want for you, reader. You deserve to feel all of these things and it can start with the simple act of picking up your favorite treat from the store on the way home from work or carving out an extra two hours to watch your favorite movie on Netflix. Love on yourself as much and as often as you can and know that you are worthy of all of the love and care you shower the world around you with.

All my love,

Ciera❤️